Parents who watch over their children and always interfering in their affairs, doing this, of course, love. However, their good intentions caring mom and dad prevent children from becoming independent adults and succeeding in life.
Julie Litkott-Haymes in the book ” Let them go,” says the consequences can cause excessive concern for parents. When they grow out of their children’s delicate orchids, unable to survive in a cruel world without assistance.
Below – seven signs that you are not prepared for life and protected from it. If most of the same items are likely to adapt to the adult life, you have been a lot harder than the free peers.
Dean of the first year at Stanford University, author of the book “Let them go,” and the mother of two teenagers.
Seven wrong signs
1. The behavior of the script
Parents, generally divided into two types. The first send you a walk until the evening does not know where you been: on the ground in the yard or a nearby park, or in an abandoned construction site, or a book on the porch. The control of every step of his child.
Concerned parents can understand. Every day in the media there is information about some dangerous strangers who abduct children or stalk them through the Internet. Or drivers, which can knock down a child on a pedestrian crossing and escape from the spot. Or more of the millions of dangers a child beyond the threshold of his home.
Rather than explain to the child how to avoid or respond to danger, his parents fence off from the world.
For example, do not let the street unaccompanied. In our time, this anxiety has acquired new traits: caring mom and dad call their children every 15 minutes or track their movements on the GPS.
Julie Hames-Likott cites the example of such a situation: a mother with her son cross the road. Mom is looking left, right, left again and went forward. Son – behind her, without looking up from a smartphone and not removing the headphones. Indeed, why look at the road, if there is a man who follows his safety.
In the future, such a person will be difficult to do without assistance. It lacked the necessary skills – the ability to focus, to notice danger to plan your free time. After all, such things are always engaged, parents.
2. They are too often you praise
Deserved praise – it’s always good. It does not matter who it is – a child or an adult. But when parents with tears of delight shout “well done” child who daubed crooked little man made of sticks or brushed my teeth – it’s weird.
The child has formed a firm conviction: everything he did – it was good. Even after many years, he believes that it is the fact that he came to work, he was supposed to award and universal admiration.
Of course, the child is important to know that his parents love him. But here is whether you want to write him a thank-you letter for every sneeze – is another matter.
3. They have chosen for your sports section
Sometimes parents take their child to the article is not to make it well and usefully spent time and went to unprecedented heights in the sport. To become a tennis player, skater, soccer player or a swimmer. Therefore, choose a specialization in early childhood – so a greater chance of success.
Children love a variety of physical activity: they are equally happy and ready to swim and run and jump. But if you get them to do something one, the body will develop unevenly; it will increase the risk of injury.
There are other difficulties. The big sport there is not easy, then, about normal childhood, you can forget. Child’s life becomes a series of regular training with short breaks at school.
But at each session on the podium is always sitting a couple of loving fans who praise him, even if it is barely holding on skates or beats just wide.
4. They interfered with children’s games
Another situation happens that is more familiar to today’s children than growing up in the 1990s and earlier. These are games scheduled when the child with mom and dad goes on a children’s playground.
Parents should be that no one quarreled, not to offend anyone, but all games were good and correct. Worth their child to take someone else’s toy, the parents flee her to return and apologize.
Parents are so involved in the process; it seems that they have come to the playground to play with the other parents.
Then it threatens the future
What kind of independence can be discussed even when communicating with peers parents ask their own rules? As an adult, such a person is difficult to strike up a conversation with strangers or to reach a compromise on the job.
Playground – the primary place where the child learns to communicate. He figures out how to respond to conflict situations. For example, when consuming a toy, he can pick it up from the enemy, arrange for the exchange or just to give it.
Children need to have fun and to agree among themselves, even if sometimes it ends with broken noses and knees. From this, no one has died.
5. They are carefully monitored homework
Achievements children often measure the success of their parents. So they want to get into the university more than their children.
Preparation for the main exam begins almost in the elementary school. Specialization, again, chooses all earlier and earlier. Already in 6-7 classes the parents determine the profession for a boy or a girl and start to train him hard.
In which university they’re going to send my child? Of course, the best (according to some ratings, the opinion of a neighbor, or what would do). Therefore, each homework must do perfectly. Every evening, they pore over textbooks together with the child, trying to remember the forgotten formula of the curriculum.
The author teaches at Stanford, so knows to what extremes comes the concern of parents educating children. Litkott-Haymes sophomore Jamie recalls that mom is very patronized: wakes up every morning, reminds of upcoming assignments and tests, help with the implementation. Jamie always hands over the work on time and is an excellent student. Or learns her mother?
The question is when a person becomes independent enough to schedule jobs, to choose a profession, to deal with the difficulties. When he goes to work? Or a child can be left alone just retired?
6. They made crafts for you at school
Do you not have the feeling that school competitions are held work to check the ingenuity of the parents? Projects are carried out with the architectural design and precision that there is no doubt – it is only by an adult. It remains only to give parents a letter. It’s better that he did not deliver any fourth grader.
Competition crafts – it’s such a Vanity Fair, where parents want to demonstrate that their child is creative and talented. However, the original personality is lucky if their parents allowed him to apply the glue.
In fact, competitions are necessary so that the child could dream up, to work with different materials: from LEGO designer to spruce cones. It is necessary for the development of fine motor skills, the ability to design and present the final result. So who are trying to deceive the parents: teachers in the school or your child?
There is no dispute that it is the parents get better because they had once learned it. But the habit of a child to do the work instead of himself can not let go in the future.
7. They treat you like a child, even now
For parents, we are always children. And when the kids (who are no longer kids) get into the adult world, the problems only get bigger. Solve them already elderly parents.
They continue to wake up children in the morning, cook meals, remind of meetings, receipt file utilities, look for a suitable companion or friend to sit with the kids and no choice at the time of their lives.
Then it threatens the future
Overprotective tires. And most of all – the parents themselves. Just imagine, in which voltage they are from the moment of your birth.
Permanent physical and emotional overload leads to fatigue, anxiety, depression. But there is nothing good in that they completely forget about themselves. When children leave the nest, for caring parents, it becomes a real blow.